Not the Babysitter

In this 4-episode, limited audio series, you’ll hear conversations with men from Central Victoria about their experiences of what it’s like to be a dad, the ways that outdated stereotypes still show up in systems and relationships, and what we might do about it.

In this 4-episode, limited series, you’ll hear conversations with men from Central Victoria about their experiences of what it’s like to be a dad, the ways that outdated stereotypes still show up in systems and relationships, and what we might do about it.

We cover lots of ground:

Like the aspirations these dads have for themselves as parents, and how that’s different to what they saw growing up.
Some of the dismissive attitudes they’ve encountered when parenting, including in hospitals and parent’s groups.
How they’ve found positive role models and other ways to learn parenting skills and break free of outdated stereotypes.

Most Australians agree that both men and women can play a range of roles regardless of their gender, but somehow once the first child arrives, especially in heterosexual couple families, this seems to go out the window. Work and family arrangements in Australia are still very gendered, with more than 40 per cent of mothers doing part-time paid work, compared to only 4–5 per cent of fathers.

But is this just what mums and dad’s want?

Well, no.

One 2017 study found that all working dads surveyed, even those who described themselves as traditional, wanted more time with their children.

Listen in, as we explore what’s happening in the gap between intentions and reality when it comes to equality in families, and what is helping dads to break free of narrow gender stereotypes.

Credits:

Theme music is by Michael Huber, CC BY-SA 3.0, via Wikimedia Commons.

Made on Dja Dja Wurrung country by Women’s Health Loddon Mallee with support from the City of Greater Bendigo and presented by Ella Bourke.

Trailer: Why Do We Need to Have Conversations About Fatherhood and Equality in Families?

About this Episode

Why do we need to conversations about fatherhood and equality in families? Outdated gender stereotypes about men and their capacity to be caregivers are still getting in the way of healthy, respectful and loving relationships – between dads and their children, their partners and with friends and family.

Episode Links:

3. Attitudes to gender inequality | ANROWS – Australia’s National Research Organisation for Women’s Safety — Most Australians agree that both men and women can play a range of roles regardless of their gender.
Work and family | Australian Institute of Family Studies — Work–family arrangements in Australia are very gendered.

Episode 1: How Hard Can It Be?

About this Episode

David shares his story of fatherhood, including:

the scary moments during the arrival of his son Teddy,
the dismissive attitudes he’s noticed when it comes to the skills needed to parent young children, and
how mental health support helps him navigate the challenges of fatherhood.

Episode Links:

Flood, M. (2020) Masculinities and Health: Attitudes towards men and masculinities in Australia, Victorian Health Promotion Foundation (VicHealth), Melbourne. — Page 3, “Introduction”At the individual level, men who endorse stereotypical masculine beliefs are more likely than other men to have poor mental health, consider suicide, and take risks at work and on the road…Page 15, “Important qualities in a man”The survey asked respondents to select three qualities that they think are most important for a man, from a fixed list of 14 qualities… There is consistent support across the segments, although at varying levels, for the qualities ‘respectful’, ‘caring’ and ‘loving’.
Mental health | Australian Government Department of Health — Get mental health help now
Parent helplines and hotlines | Raising Children Network — For parenting advice or support, ring a national helpline or the parent helpline for your state.

Episode 2: You’re Not Taught How To Be A Parent

About this Episode

Dallas Widdicombe shares his story of fatherhood including:

something that was really tough as a dad when his first child was born, and how he felt unwelcome and unequal
why the past is not the past
the importance for him of spending time in nature with his children
his experiences of racism, and some of the ways he stays connected to and shares Indigenous culture with his children
the positive role model he’s found in his father-in-law.

This conversation was recorded on 31 July 2020.

To find out more about Bendigo and District Aboriginal Cooperative, visit bdac.com.au.

Episode Links:

Parent helplines and hotlines | Raising Children Network — For parenting advice or support, ring a national helpline or the parent helpline for your state.
Mental health | Australian Government Department of Health — Get help now
The Stolen Generation | Australians Together — Between 1910 and the 1970s*, many First Nations children were forcibly removed from their families as a result of various government policies. The generations of children removed under these policies became known as the Stolen Generations. The policies of child removal left a legacy of trauma and loss that continues to affect Indigenous communities, families and individuals today.
Perinatal anxiety and depression in men — Up to 1 in 10 new dads struggle with depression following the birth of their baby.
Bendigo District Aboriginal Cooperative — Our Vision: Empowered Generations belonging to strong families, culture & community

Episode 3: People Have Just Assumed That We’re Not a Family

About this Episode

Cristean shares his story of fatherhood, including:

why being part of a new parents’ group, wasn’t so positive
what it’s like for his family to do things that should be simple, like change a nappy at a shopping centre or go out to a cafe
why his mum is his greatest role-model for how to be loving, caring and respectful
the situation he was in when he found that being gay meant that he had more access to spaces or services than perhaps a heterosexual man in a couple family might.

This episode was recorded on 14 July 2020.

Episode Links

Flood, M. (2020) Masculinities and Health: Attitudes towards men and masculinities in Australia, Victorian Health Promotion Foundation (VicHealth), Melbourne. — Page 15, “Important qualities in a man”The survey asked respondents to select three qualities that they think are most important for a man, from a fixed list of 14 qualities… There is consistent support across the segments, although at varying levels, for the qualities ‘respectful’, ‘caring’ and ‘loving’.
Our Watch, Men in Focus, page 45 — Being the ‘breadwinner’ has long been considered an integral part of the male role and what men do. In the recent Man Box study conducted in Australia, 56% of the male participants highlighted the societal pressure they felt as men to earn money and provide for their partners and families.
Work and family | Australian Institute of Family Studies — Work–family arrangements in Australia are very gendered.
Jesuit Social Services – The Man Box — The majority of young men agree there are social pressures on them to behave or act a certain way because of their gender… Everyone can take action by talking about the pressures of the Man Box with the boys and men in their lives, and by modelling positive alternatives to the Man Box norms in front of boys and young men.

Episode 4: Creating The Space To Hear Somebody

About this Episode

We hear from Damien and Ian, who are both members of Castlemaine Rites of Passage, about their experiences of fatherhood and what the group aims to foster for men, including

What the aims are of a rites of passage experience
What happens in a mens’ group
What impact the experience had on Damien’s relationship and parenting
How Ian’s friendship with an opera singer informed his parenting

Episode Links:

Castlemaine Rites of Passage — A contemporary, community based rites of passage process to empower men, young and old, with an authentic sense of self and a place within community. This process helps enable boys, and men, to make the fundamental emotional shift from being a child to becoming a man and contribute more positively to the broader community.